I DO NOT LOVE YOU !

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.
I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.
Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.
In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.” 

The Cutest Thing !

Goshhh ! I think I can spend rest of my life listening to you mumbling when you're half awake from sleep !
Till this second I'm thinking about it and smiling to myself * THAT WAS EFFFING CUTE* All you were saying was *I'M SLEEPING* Awwwww.. No matter what I said.. All you said was *I'm Sleepinggg* And for no reason you asked me to sleep also.. Just a like small kiddo.. That conversation made my day♥.. Heeeee ! You are the cutest thing that happened in my life and no matter what you will always remain in my heart.. :) And this he reason why I bug you to stay with me ! I can just sit and watch you for hours ♥

If it not as my life partner at least as MY UNFORGETTABLE FIRST LOVE ! ♥


I'm ready to accept the fact even if we can't be together :)
At times we just have to let it go right ? But still you're my cuteness-honey-boo-baby ♥♥♥

I don't NEED you !!

I didn’t need you
I won’t need you

I’m doing great going fineit’s over and I’m fine

You are out of my mind
I didn’t realize that I didn’t need you
I finally saw the sky
And turns out it’s mine
I don’t need you anymore

I’m so glad I got you off my chest
It’s a new day, making me say; I want to go west
Away from where you make me messed
And I’m glad your not here to bring me down
I’m a flower, who needs the sunlight
And with you as shelter
No wonder I grew weak, because now I want to fight

I don’t need you

Better off without you wasting my time
Taking off my covers so I’m not blind
Wow this life is so good to me
I’m in full bloom and I’m filling the room
I’m sweet like perfume
And I white out my gloom

I don’t want you
I didn’t want you
I won’t want you

I didn’t take the time to realize that I’m over you
And I’m so better off, because I know I’ll be happy now
I don’t need you

It’s over and I’m fine
You are out of my mind
I didn’t realize that I didn’t need you
I finally saw the sky
And turns out it’s mine
I don’t need you anymore.... !!

I OUT OF THIS :)

HAPPIE BUfFDAY !

Happy Birthday To Our Dearest Brother Arvind Vicknesh :)

You are the best and WE LOVE YOU SO FREAKING MUCH !

The cutest hottest and funniest boy. Wish you a blessed future !

FROM THE LAYAANNZZ :D

SISTERS♥

My sister's means world to me ! I love them,adore them and most of all I CAN NEVER LIVE THIS LIFE WITHOUT THEM :)

Having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of.  You know whatever you do, they'll still be there.  I share with them my sadness, happiness ! MY TOTAL FEELING.

They never let me down NO MATTER WHAT :D THEY MEAN WORLD TO ME.

Oh yea, BAVUTHRI KAMACHI NAIDU AND SOORYA THARSHINI <3.

My sweethearts.My sisters. TheLoveOfMyLife. 

They have been an encouragement to me and my sisters always wanted the best for me :)

I LOVE MY SISTER!Sisters are special. Sisters are friends. They laugh at jokes that no one else really understands. Sisters share memories of smile.

BAVUTHRI.

LOL. My Bauthi Kutty. This woman is a total ROWDY. Now she's 17 but still I remember the time she walk around with the milo bottle wearing my shirt. Haha. Not forgetting her AFRO.

This girl gotta a curly hair and it used to look an AFRO. She is the naughtiest.

A little different compared to others. When she was asked to not to do something

that's when she start up questioning WHY IS THAT SO ? I WILL DO IT !

This girl I have no words. Funny one. Love her freaking muchhhhh. 

SOORYA.

Now, now. Soya Kutty ! Lazy piglet. Haha. She gona screw me for this.

When she was a baby she used to look like a WHITE GHOST SO FAIR.

When ever I ask her to do something you shouLd see her acting * Aaaahh stomach aching and end up me being her MAID. I fight with her the most. LOL. We scream to each and other.

Another crack-pot.  Aahhhh. I love this piglet toooooooooo. 

BAVUTHRI

I LOVE YOU BOTH SO DARNNNNN MUCHIEEEEE ! NOTHING BEATS YOU BOTH.

Moveeeeeeee !

There it goes ! The final chapter :)

So yeah.. I guess its all over now. Putting up a huge FULLSTOPS for everything. 6 years and it ends here my love.

When I sit and think UFF ! Gosh I have come up with so many questions and I end up in a total confusion,worrying about MY LIFE. Where am I dragging myself too ? Haiiizz. What is happening to myself?

Hmmm this is very scary. Maybe I don't realise things right. Finally now I know what do I really need in my life.

I guess I'm tired with this. I don't wish to go on and hurt myself more. Creating fake hope in my heart is NO MORE USE. When you're not bothered at all why must I drag this forever ?

I have noticed, I'm not being even an option for you to look at me :(

IT HURTS. Its okay. I don't wish to go on anymore. 

I'm fine and I have decided the NEED in my life. I'm not going to look back.

LOOK FOWARD. MY FUTURE. 

Let It Go !

Let your tears come.  Let them water your soul.  

Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it.

Tears are the silent language of grief.

Tears is your best companion when you're down. And I have realized it six years back.

TEARS FLOOD MY EYES ! I can't stop it though. But today I felt a difference! My eyes are no more tearing. Tears are dried like a dessert without water. I never I have cried this much in my life. But those tears are worth to be shed ! You are my one of kind LOVE.٠•●♥•●♥♥
AND NOW ITS THE END AND I'M A LOSER.  ٠•●♥•●♥♥










I wish to say this to you.


My Dear Bubby :) 


I don't need any GOOD GUY to take care of me , but all I need is you.
Humans do change but the real personality of them always lives inside and it will never VANISH. If it possible try to get put it into your brain. Your brain need a service I guess. Unpredictable Idiot. But its okay. When you said it I'll listen. I'll move on. Thank you for everything you have done for me. ILOVEYOU. But just that I don't feel safe and complete anymore !

I don't wish too..

I don't wish to hate you, I don't wish to stop loving you..

I don't wish to let you go, I don't to wish chase you away

I don't wish too say goodbye, I don't wish to stop talking to you

I don't wish you to stop looking at you , I don't wish to stop admiring you

I wish to be with you forever,now and ever..


Wishes and dreams don't always come true. I know I have realized now.
Now I'm stepping out from my dream. Real World hurts but I need to go on
with it.

Its over. Good Bye.I'm leaving.

LOVE FROM MY SIDE !

What is love according to you ?

For some LOVE is LUST.

For some LOVE is FUN TIME.

For some LOVE is FLIRTING.

For some LOVE is MONEY MAKING.

But for a girl like me LOVE is being with someone you care about and you will never stop thinking about that person. Its natural. You don't need to look good all just to impress the one you love. Love is being comfortable with someone and you can just be yourself. Like an example you  no makeup, no fancy clothes, wake up next to them and think that you 2 are the only people existing in the world. Love is not an expectation. The feel should come by its own. 

Of course you can only FEEL LOVE. But the feel of being in love , its like a WOW. When you get butterflies in your stomach each time you see him around , your heart beats fast when he is close to you, You can only FEEL this ! LOVE IS A GREAT FEELING. You know its like there is this one person gives you this awesome feel and HE seems to be the world to you. Awwww.

According to me I define love in simple ways. When you're in a relationship sacrificial, give and take is not enough to make your love story as an happy ending.And of course without trust, your love story is incomplete yet It need more spices!

Love is such a cute feeling. Heee. I see love like this :-

A tight hug each time you see. Maybe a surprise hug ? It will be very sweet.

When the you're  eating , feed your baby girl with LOVE.

A kiss on her forehead. 

Hold her hands and walk in the crowd. Be proud to say she is mine !

Look into her eyes and say BABY, I LOVE YOU.

Call her and talk to her the whole night.

Bring her for a long drive. Crack jokes , Mess her hair.

Movie. Let her to lay her head on your shoulder.

Never let her to feel loneliness. 

She don't need expensive gifts but if he can spare some time with her , NOTHING IS VALUABLE THAN THAT.

Wipe her tears and hug her tightly and whisper into her ears. I love you.

Choosing clothes , or whatever stuff she wants to buy.

Make her to feel she is the SPECIAL ONE :)

There is no wrong to call her BEAUTIFUL.

If she did a mistake , correct it WITH LOVE.

When she is down with sick , be with her.

Text her. 

Show your love and care. Don't let her to expect for it.

A letter to say what you feel when you can't find the right words.

Cute arguments , irritate her :)

All this are the simple things that we fail to do at times. A strong bond starts from a good understanding, trust and love. When there is no trust, love can never exist. A little cute arguments , oh come on what is love with arguments ? But never let that to lead to separation. Maybe in anger you can just throw words to your loved ones , you know what ? You're just hurting them more. Once you threw your words , it can be never taken back. SCAR WILL REMAIN IN YOUR HEART.

JUST LIKE HOW A SCAR I HAVE IN MY LITTLE HEART !

APPRECIATE THE PERSON THAT LOVES YOU THE MOST..

VALUE THEM ! AT LEAST FOR ONCE :(

And finally, 

I'M STILL WAITING FOR MY HAPPY ENDING.

WILL YOU BE MY HAPPY ENDING BABY ?

YOU KNOW I MEANT YOU. I'M STILL AROUND YOU.

RIGHT BESIDE YOU. NO WHERE ELSE. 

 AND WHY IT CAN'T BE ME ? 

Love,

HEART-BROKEN GIRL.

 

 

THE CUTE SMILE AND THE LITTLE SHINE IN YOUR EYES !

She saw him first when she was 16. The guy whom., she end up falling for so deeply.  He has a cute smile on his face and a little arrogance in him. He has his own style. She was attracted to him in their first meet and she'll never deny that. It was just an normal attraction when a girl see a cute guy hanging around. That's what she thought to herself. But this girl didn't know that he is going to be the love of her life. Sadly this girl's introduction to this guy was very bad. Because both had a bad impression on each and other. They guy thinks the girls is arrogant and the girl thinks this guy is totally out of manner. That was not a very good beginning for a love story. Because they never liked each other , there were no space for love only HATRED. You can see that in their eyes each time they bump over. But this girl always feels that there is a shine in his eyes. Even though he gave a hard stare, she still feels something in it. But she always whisper to herself by saying  , he is OUT OF MANNER, HE IS NOT CUTE and I HATE HIM.


 But things did changed, somehow this BOY and GIRL became good friends. It started with one single message to that guy from this girl. She starts calling him every night without failure. Girl can feel the difference , its not a normal friendship but beyond that. She didn't want to think much and just kept it aside. Love struck ! Never leaves you peacefully. Without hearing his voice, her days are not complete. HIS SMILE ! That's what she loves the most. His style, the way he walks, the way he looks at her, the way he talks, the little shine in his eyes. She love everything about HIM ! HIS ANGER, his naughtiness, the IRRITATING attitude. There is one thing about him UNPREDICTABLE. That's what she worries about all the time. He changes in split of second. You can never predict him. Opsss ! Did I mention how much this girl loves calling his name ? Because LOVE MEANS HIM. He is a form of love. And he stands for his name. LOVE. The name that she loved the most in her entire life. Now and forever. She just love looking at him , watching whatever he is doing. Just a like an innocent baby. (OF COURSE HE IS NOT AN INNOCENT BOY ). But for her, he is. Because she knows deep in her heart she loves him. Her very first love ! Time passes by their friendship grew stronger. She treated him like a friend and so do he. She tried her best to hide her feelings because she thinks it might spoil their good relationship and will lose him forever.


He'll always drop by her school just tease her, at times to talk to her but most of the times to check out other girls.You know he is a so called wanted by the girls. She always thinks these girls are dumb. It was jealously. A girl with childish attitude doesn't know much about the outer world and he hates her childish attitude. He complains about it all the time. But all she do is walks around with her lollipop or ice-cream like a little kid.Never bothered to listen to his words. And that's when he burst out. Such a caring friend.  Days passed they never stop calling each and other, the bond gets closer.  But yet on fine day the girl and the guy had an argument. She was pissed with him without thinking she took her bag and start walking back. And then comes our hero chasing her from behind, pulled her  hand close to him. She was too broken with what he had done, she hugged him tightly and tears dropped. Till this day she has no idea why did she reacted so towards him. But that was the time she felt the LOVE. LOVE BLOSSOMS. No more a secret for her to hide and her heart clearly knows that HE IS THE ONE. The first touch to realize the amount of love she was having for him. She loves him more than herself. She knows that well. 


Once in the midnight, this girl and boy were messaging. It was about 3.25 a.m. He asked her * Hey losse (that's how he calls her) do you love anyone* and she knows this the right time for her to make a love confession. She replied * Yeah I do* and he said * You told him ready or not* . She said *No, I don't know how to express my love :(*. The best part was he replied her *Its okay, you have me. I'll teach you and make sure he loves you back.*. He gave her lots of  ideas. It was all love lines from his favorite hero's movie. She just told him * Look I don't know to express my feelings like how you thought and I'm not such person as well , let me come straight to the point LoveBoy you are the one I'm in love with and I want you to be with me till the entire of my life. I love you. She ended her message. He was shocked ,he said he never expected this from her and thought she is pranking him. This girl knows only way to make him believe is to swear upon him. Because he knows she never may dare to lie when it comes to swearing especially upon him. Things did changed after that , less talking and less messaging. He starts avoiding her. But she knows he will be her's. She waited for him for 3 months. He made her cry. Scars on her hand.  But he was always there for her no matter what. Confidently she waited and yes ! 


Finally he admitted that he loves her too. It was Saturday morning before she leaves to school. No words to describe her happiness. Hell of joy in her. Butterflies ! Love ! His smile ! That's all she can think about. After school, she went to see him. He is no more her friend but her LOVE ! The perfect gift in her life. He took her shirt and he wants to keep as her remembrance. She was overjoyed. In their love life things were different. It was all bout trust. She trusted him and only him. He showed her the right way. To love, to care, to trust, to behave ! Everything and he played a big role in her. Restriction but it was all for her good because he knows this childish mentality girl gets influenced easily. With his guidance and love she walked into right pathway. A smooth pathway without a slip. She is totally mad over him. Less meetings but she always feel he is right beside her, there is no gap to feel the separation. Her valentine's day card with such awesome words from him. Bracelet on her birthday. He always comes around her house with his friend's bike just to see her face. She stands by the window side and waves at him ! Ouchh memories ! He has a bad attitude, yells at her without any specific  reason but she tolerated him because he used to say I only have you to express my feelings. She doesn't wants him to feel apart. BECAUSE HE IS THE ONLY GUY WHO CAN MAKE HER SMILE EVEN WHEN SHE IN TEARS !

Their love lasted for 1 and half years. And finally it ended and gone ! But she never give up. Waited for him and she know's he will be back to her. But he was badly in love with another girl. Still she wanted him, she can't express her feelings because this guy and girl are now in touch as friends. He talk about his girlfriend all the time, it hurts her but the girl pretended to be normal, because he is broken. She knows that well. He loves the other girl more than anything else even more then her. She doesn't want to make him feel bad by expressing herself to him. Every night she spend her sleeping hours in tears. She had no where to go. She went through hell of pain. She just can't accept the fact he is with someone else. But what she can do ? Just sit and cry. Another year passed by, at times they will be in touch and once he got back to his girlfriend he will avoid her badly.  Girl has no choice, she tried to move on but she fails. Hook up with someone else and didn't work out. She knows no one can replace her Prince. He is one of kind. Because he is not only the guy she loved but a friend, mum, dad. well-wisher and he is her everything. Their sweet memories are her biggest pain. She went through hard times and there is no one to guide her. She always been very depending towards him. She learn to accept pain in her life. But god answered her prayers ! After 2 years of separation he was BACK to her ! She knows this will happen. Her faith in love. 


Happiest moments in her life for the first two weeks after they got back together. The love he showed was so different. She felt she is the most beloved person by him. Yet he hated her puerility attitude and tried his best to change that. Their relationship when smoothly. Nothing goes wrong but she just don't know whose bad hap it was, either his or her's. EVERYTHING START GOING WRONG. Every night she sat by the phone side waiting for him to call. He never called her. She is being forgotten by him. There is no more love. All she can do is cry and cry. Her heart was hurt badly. She missed him ! But she don't get the chance to see him. She wish she can express her feelings. It never happened. She was broken into pieces. There is no more space for her in his heart. He was on her mind 24/7. She was going mad. Not enough of all this commotion, the interference of her family members made things go more worst. She was blamed for everything. Yet she wanted him back , because of LOVE. Oh yea she even knows he is LADY KILLER. But she wanted him. After all the troubles she went back to him , but he was being very harsh. Months passed by her love was always increasing and it never remained the same or decreased. She misses his cute smile and the little shine in his eyes. She was in trauma , thinking about him all day. It was even more hurting when she hears that he got a replacement in his life. She cried out loud. Her heart beats fast and she thought its going to burst. There is no more space in  her heart to accept pain and hurt. She shattered into pieces. 


WHAT HAVE I DONE ? BABY WHY DID YOU LEFT ME? that was the only question running into her mind. But now she is numb, feeling-less. Yet her heart wants him back but she has no hope this time. She can see tons of changes in him. He will be never back to her.She lose hope and her faith in her love. Something is telling her that he had gone far away from her. SHE IS JUST A PART OF HIS LIFE BUT HE IS HER LIFE. She's just a memory. Each time she looks at him , she don't feel the same way towards him. There is a gab between them and it can be never filled back. Both on different tracks in their life. She know that he is with someone and she told her herself I'll never ruin his happiness. HIS SMILE MEANS WORLD TO HER ! It had been 5 years but the amount of love she had on him its always the same. Just that she means nothing to him. Only her tears drops and her heart aches. He braked her heart but still she loves him with all the shattered pieces because it was his image all over the pieces. He filled her heart totally. She learned that one of the hardest thing in life is letting go the person you loved the most and yet she did let go him. And now every problems that she's been facing in her daily life seem to be as the tiny ones. From such a soft hearted girl she changed to a stone-hearted girl.  Rejection is the worst pain ever that she went through. All this made her strong.




 She promised to herself that she never will fall for him back.She tried to convince her heart that he don't worth her tears but sadly her little heart knows that its just a lie. In our life there always one special person, no matter what person does you can never hate them. He is in that category. She can never hate him. She is smiling with all the needs to cry. Tears is her only companion. SHE FALLS FOR HIS SMILE. She will never stop loving him because he is the most special guy in her life. THE TRUE LOVE AND NO ONE CAN REPLACE HIM. He is her ONE OF A KIND GUY. All she can wish for is time machine. To rewind back her sweet and happy moments with him. But wish stays as wish. It never comes true. She know she can never get him back him because that is the fact and she's not complaining much about. She is ready to face the fact. Its always sad to see the person you love, loving someone else but guess she is fine with it. Numb and used to it. Loneliness. But she will be always there for him no matter what. She'll always stand by the corner watch him and will let him be drown in sadness. Its hurting inside and out. And she just want to know WHY DID HE LEFT HER ? And now her T-shirt been replaced. His love for been replaced. There is someone new. There is no more room for her in his heart.  Thrown away !

But she just hopes that he'll realize how much does THIS STUPID GIRL  loves him ! She gone totally crazy because she still wants him after all the heartache she went through. He always been a baby for her. No matter what he do , his smile and the little is enough to continue her life. She'll just sit back and watch you with full of love. And by saying BABY I LOVE YOU THE MOST !  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

The song that makes thinks about him always...

                                                   Manmathaney :)♥

                                              I can hear his name being repeated !♥♥

Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon..

The First Song He Dedicated ! 

♥

♥♥♥♥

And she tears when she hears this !♥

♥

En Kadhal Solle Neram Ille 

♥

What Have I done ? You seem to move on easy !

I fall without my wings ! 

♥

♥

♥♥♥♥

Wish you listen to this ! 

I still remember, you told me when you hear this song you think of me !

It was 5 years back

♥♥

Never had a dream come true !

♥♥

Loves this !

And Now She Only Has This With HER !

YOU GOT THIS !

Still safe ! Will never lose this !

Lots of love,

Laavania ♥ ♥

Missing you SMILE and the LITTLE SHINE IN YOUR EYES !